Re-reading and reading Dracula

I threw on my DVD of Bram Stoker's Dracula a couple of weeks ago, and realized that I had forgotten how sexed-up that movie is. I remember feeling somewhat uncomfortable watching it in the theatre with my parents as a kid, but I had forgotten specifics, aside from certain scenes [Lucy and the wolf, Keanu's three-way with Monica Bellucci (!!!) and Co., Mina and the Count groping each other in a silent moviehouse]. Watching it again, I see that the film is crammed wall-to-wall with sexual imagery. No wonder I felt funny.

Though I missed a few levels of it, I thought the movie was awesome. In-camera effects, insane production design and costuming, Annie Lennox, and Anthony Fucking Hopkins.
(I do remember thinking, "Keanu Reeves? Cary Elwes? Really?" I would have liked to see a version in which their roles had been switched.) It wasn't a perfect movie, but it was messy and disturbing, which I like.

I'm ashamed to say I've never read Dracula. I've picked up my copy several times, intending to read it, but never followed through. Luckily, the good people over at the group reading project Infinite Summer are reading Dracula for the month of October. On their schedule, they will finish by Halloween. They've got forums, guest writers, and Stoker's great-grand-nephew. The time seems right. Who's with me?

Losing his touch?

This post is not about Brad Pitt. He is not losing his touch. Tis a little bitter sweet for me to say that, because, due to his largess, I feel like I'm supposed to want him to start losing his touch. I feel almost anti-American for not disliking him. Isn't that what being American is all about? Striving for success and disliking anyone who has it ahead of you? Well despite that, despite his huge gobs of it... I can't dislike him. He's too good. He's the star of hit movies year after year, and still i can't dislike him. Not even when he got Jennifer Aniston. Not even when he got Angelina Jolie! Whoever-the-dude that knocked up Alba, is still not forgiven, yet Pitt gets a pass for Jolie. I can't quite understand it. My only guess is becuase he's just too good. His role in films like Snatch, Ocean's 11/2/3, and Fight Club are just too entertaining. And in this movie, he's just as good. But I digress. This post is not about Brad Pitt. He is not losing his touch. But I think, perhaps, Tarantino is.

Now I'll make this clear right up front. Inglourious Basterds is an enjoyable movie. If you have 2 and a half hours to spare, you could find many worse ways to spend it than watching this movie. That is not exactly a glowing statement, but it is exactly accurate. Its a fun film that is glaringly Tarantino.

When he dropped Reservoir Dogs, and Pulp Fiction, and even the Kill Bills, he brought a unique style of story telling that let the viewing public know that it is possible, even preferable, to make a film that does not prescribe to any set formula of story telling. Each movie had its own character and felt like no other movie before it. That is precisely where Inglourious Basterds falls short. It feels like a Tarantino movie. It follows a Tarantino formula. There is nothing new about it.

No doubt about it, the man can make a movie. When his movie making career is over, this one will not be listed as Tarantino masterpeice. It will be another title on the list, a footnote, a 'by the way, he also made..."

John Hughes made me feel like I had teen angst, at 9 years old. May he find peace beyond the ills of puberty. We won't forget about you.

thumbs up

terminator salvation.

come on. gotta love the terminator. even if it sucked. i don't care.

fuck you, chev chelios.

Have you ever been drunk, on the internet, watching videos on YouTube, and happened across something really wrong, like someone hitting themselves in the head with a hammer? And you know that you shouldn't be laughing at what you're watching, but you can't stop? If so, the sensations generated by a viewing of Crank: High Voltage will be familiar ones.

Here are the facts:

1. When the end credits began to roll, the first thing out of my mouth was, "FFFFFuck. What the fuck."

2. I emerged from the theater dazed, twitchy and squinting, with Mike Patton's hard-driving score bouncing around in my head, feeling as though I was about to be assaulted or arrested.

3. When people I know describe a film, and they use terms like "mindless and needlessly graphic violence" or "gratuitous sexuality," they are insulting it. In Crank 2 they are points of pride, cinematic tools applied with skill. I believe that there is a place in cinema for such things. Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, Crank 2's writer/directors, have found that place, and are probably hanging out there doing poppers with Takashi Miike and John Waters, who have been there for years.

4. A quick summary: Chev Chelios, hardened killer, is "rescued" from the certain death he faced at the end of the first film by Chinese Triad surgeons who remove his heart (while he watches!!!). They replace the heart with an artificial one, in order to keep him alive until they can harvest the rest of his organs. Chelios slaughters the surgeons and escapes, intent on getting his heart back. For the rest of the film's running time, Chelios fucks, shoots and stabs his way across Los Angeles, through strip clubs and whorehouses and racetracks. He steals cars and crashes them. He battles policemen. In order to keep his artificial heart going, he has to "power up" by running electricity through his body, which leads to fun scenes involving tasers, jumper cables, and fuseboxes.

5. The Chev Chelios character will be the one that Jason Statham is remembered for. He won't be thought of as the Transporter, or "the guy from Snatch," which was how I always thought of him. He's Chev Chelios, first and forever.

6. Bai-Ling, as a tough and persistent prostitute, is officially awesome. Best line: "I'm clean like a baby!"

7. Amy Smart is fantastic again, as she was in the first film, but now she's cute AND trashy AND bad-ass.

6. A turning point in the film: After we watch a man cut his own nipple off with a knife, in slow, excruciating close-up, we are treated to an even longer, more torturous close-up of the removal of the second nipple. That was when I knew that Neveldine and Taylor were men who truly did not give a fuck, who were pushing things as far as they could. Men to be feared and respected.

7. I found myself thinking, “How long has it been since Fight Club came out?” It's been TEN YEARS since Fight Club came out. But that was the last time I remember feeling this way on the way out of a theater, like I'd been punched in the throat. Before that, it was Natural Born Killers. Neveldine and Taylor play with film grammar in fun ways, and at a challenging level of intensity.

8. The kind of jokes about genitalia and racial stereotypes that would normally have me rolling my eyes, had me laughing.

9. Crank: High Voltage is not for everyone. If you have a problem with greasy close ups of smacked buttocks and foreign-object anal penetration and strippers gettting shot through the head and/or implants, it probably isn't your thing. If you play a lot of Grand Theft Auto, on the other hand, you'll feel right at home.

10. Also: vomit, public sex, porn stars, Tourette's syndrome, it's all in there.

It's hard to believe that an American film, shot in Los Angeles with studio money is making these moves, and making them with real, effective humor. We've become so desensitized as a culture, that it is no longer surprising to see mass media that attempts to be shocking, but it is surprising to see art that succeeds in being shocking and yet is still a lot of fun.

Not everyone is going to like this movie. Or maybe everyone will. Everyone worth talking to, at any rate.

On the real, Real-D is for real, really tho.

So let's be real, ... its called My Bloody Valentine;  by the title alone, one should know not to expect any oscar performances or an amazing plot or, in any way shape or form, to feel as though your life will be enriched after watching this movie.   At best, one can hope that watching this movie was not a complete waste of one's time.  And to this end, MBV delivers.

This movie is about the special effects, much like the latest Star Wars movies, except with a better plot (oooo, Lucas, you just got buuurned!).   And the special effects lived up to the challenge of carrying this movie.   This is not your 1980's 3D; not Jaws, not that one Michael Jackson thing at Disneyland back in the day;  there are no red and blue glasses.  This is Real D and its really damn impressive.   Depth perception was very clean and I almost ducked on a couple occasions.  Okay I did once... but it was fun cuz everyone else did it too.

The gimmick kept me awed and entertained from the opening credits (seriously, even the title sequence was like WOW) to the ending credits (and, FYI, a lil after as well).  On a couple of occasions I almost got bored with the glasses/effect.  These were unanimously times when the director actually tried to tell the story rather than just having things pop out at the audience.  Props to him for trying, more than we can say for Lucas (double buuuurn).   In fact, the story was pretty good, and can hold its own in the gory-horror genre, not the best, but probably top 80-85%.   Overall, it made for a fun night out.

Hoodwinked - art of the awesome trailer

I always had a disdain for trailers that told so much of the story that there is no point in watching the actual movie.   I'm on the fence about, but leaning towards disliking, trailers that hide the movie's premise, showing just random clips to entice you, without really giving you any indication of what you're in for.  The trailer for United States of Leland is a different kind all together.  It lied to me!  LIED!  

The trailer made this movie look so good, that I had to pause the DVD, hop on Netflix and queue it up before continuing with whatever it was I was trying to watch.  The story the trailer told was intriguing and suspenseful... the story i got, was completely different.  Now on the one hand, I appreciate the feint, and understand that deceipt can be instrumental in a good mystery movie trailer.  Here's the problem, this aint no damn mystery movie.  It's a melodrama which is clearly intended to be a thought provoking analysis of the human condition.

This is all well and fine, ... I like thought, and analyses, and human condition, and even provocation every now and then.  But I do not like this movie.  It failed at all of the above.   

I blame the director... and Ryan Gosling (Leland).  The pacing was painfully slow, most of the supporting character subplots did zero to advance the story, which resulted in characters that were more caricatures than anything else. The protaganist Leland was so devoid of emotion or expression that at no point did I care what happened to him.  Which made it very difficult for me to believe it when all the other characters in the movie found him so fascinating.  A fine cast is wasted on this movie. 

Speaking of waste, I'll not waste another word. Wait... okay I'll waste three.  Don't watch this.