On the real, Real-D is for real, really tho.

So let's be real, ... its called My Bloody Valentine;  by the title alone, one should know not to expect any oscar performances or an amazing plot or, in any way shape or form, to feel as though your life will be enriched after watching this movie.   At best, one can hope that watching this movie was not a complete waste of one's time.  And to this end, MBV delivers.

This movie is about the special effects, much like the latest Star Wars movies, except with a better plot (oooo, Lucas, you just got buuurned!).   And the special effects lived up to the challenge of carrying this movie.   This is not your 1980's 3D; not Jaws, not that one Michael Jackson thing at Disneyland back in the day;  there are no red and blue glasses.  This is Real D and its really damn impressive.   Depth perception was very clean and I almost ducked on a couple occasions.  Okay I did once... but it was fun cuz everyone else did it too.

The gimmick kept me awed and entertained from the opening credits (seriously, even the title sequence was like WOW) to the ending credits (and, FYI, a lil after as well).  On a couple of occasions I almost got bored with the glasses/effect.  These were unanimously times when the director actually tried to tell the story rather than just having things pop out at the audience.  Props to him for trying, more than we can say for Lucas (double buuuurn).   In fact, the story was pretty good, and can hold its own in the gory-horror genre, not the best, but probably top 80-85%.   Overall, it made for a fun night out.

Hoodwinked - art of the awesome trailer

I always had a disdain for trailers that told so much of the story that there is no point in watching the actual movie.   I'm on the fence about, but leaning towards disliking, trailers that hide the movie's premise, showing just random clips to entice you, without really giving you any indication of what you're in for.  The trailer for United States of Leland is a different kind all together.  It lied to me!  LIED!  

The trailer made this movie look so good, that I had to pause the DVD, hop on Netflix and queue it up before continuing with whatever it was I was trying to watch.  The story the trailer told was intriguing and suspenseful... the story i got, was completely different.  Now on the one hand, I appreciate the feint, and understand that deceipt can be instrumental in a good mystery movie trailer.  Here's the problem, this aint no damn mystery movie.  It's a melodrama which is clearly intended to be a thought provoking analysis of the human condition.

This is all well and fine, ... I like thought, and analyses, and human condition, and even provocation every now and then.  But I do not like this movie.  It failed at all of the above.   

I blame the director... and Ryan Gosling (Leland).  The pacing was painfully slow, most of the supporting character subplots did zero to advance the story, which resulted in characters that were more caricatures than anything else. The protaganist Leland was so devoid of emotion or expression that at no point did I care what happened to him.  Which made it very difficult for me to believe it when all the other characters in the movie found him so fascinating.  A fine cast is wasted on this movie. 

Speaking of waste, I'll not waste another word. Wait... okay I'll waste three.  Don't watch this.